I Blame Southern California for this

USA Today is a piece of fucking trash and America's moral compass has gone completely to hell in a handbasket.

Seriously people? Are you really fucking serious? I mean goddammit. A children's book about plastic surgery? Is this really fucking necessary, America? Is it? Will everyone please look inside themselves right now and ask this one very important question, please?

"How early is too early to start fucking up the females in our culture?"

I mean, we already have girls around age 11 dressing like pop princesses and high school chicks dressed like porn stars in the suburbs all over this country. Do we sincerely feel it's necessary to begin bombarding 5-year-olds with the concept of carving up their bodies to make themselves more attractive to the menfolk?

Shouldn't these children being throwing rocks at one another and making mudpies and being MOTHERFUCKING KIDS FOR GOD'S SAKE??!!

Open Memo to the Associated Soccer Moms of America:

Re: YOU ARE FUCKING UP YOUR DAUGHTERS

Body: Look, I know it's not easy. You used to be hot. You got married after you'd built a decently respectable career with that communications or social services degree you got from State. You married a particularly rich motherfucker, and you were proud that you had finally achieved the status of "Trophy Wife."

Now, it's nearly 20 years later and you're more "That bitch who had my kids and then got fat." Your husband cheats on you, and since you quit your job to raise your children, your looks were a big fallback when you needed to feel some of that old self-worth. It sucks, and I'm sorry. But hey, it is very important that you listen to what I am about to say.

STOP FUCKING UP YOUR KIDS JUST BECAUSE YOUR LIFE DIDN'T TURN OUT QUITE THE WAY YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD.
/memo

I'm sorry if that was harsh, but I am sick and motherfucking tired of watching these morons churn out more and more unwashed cavepeople until I can't even turn on a TV, flip through a magazine or surf the internet without being reminded that I'm not pretty enough, rich enough or having enough sex.

This coitus-and-image-obsessed society has finally officially gone too far and they must be stopped. A children's book teaching kids why plastic surgery is actually really awesome is bad. I don't believe I can express myself any more plainly on the issue.

I will leave you with this quote, direct from the article:

The girl asks: "Why are you going to look different?"

Mom responds: "Not just different, my dear — prettier!"

Awesome.