How McCain can win the cunt vote (#1: Stop calling it "the cunt vote")

McCain did an interview with the Las Vegas Sun last week and apparently he said something that was, well, weird:

(On why he didn't choose Gov. Jim Gibbons to chair his Nevada campaign?)
I appreciate his support. As you know, the lieutenant governor is our chairman.
(Why snub the governor?)
I didn’t mean to snub him,. I've known the lieutenant governor for 15 years and we've been good friends….I didn't intend to snub him. There are other states where the governor is not the chairman.
(Maybe it's the governor's approval rating and you are running from him like you are from the president?)
(Chuckling) And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago….

Okay, so admittedly the questioning took kind of a dickish turn there, and I guess McCain was trying to… what? Lighten the mood with a good wife-beating joke? I mean, I’m not offended or anything, I like dark humor as much as anyone, but my understanding is that even dark humor requires some form of humor like irony, or satire, or reversal of expectation. You can’t just come out and say, “My newborn baby has terminal cancer, ha ha. Get it?” (Satire.)

So while I’m more perplexed than offended, I can think of some concerned citizens who might be pretty pissed off about that kind of joke. Citizens like those independent, outside-the-box, and not-at-all irrational thinkers at http://www.dems4mccain.info/. (Sarcasm.) Citizens like thebword who is outraged by how the “DNC stood by, encourage [sic], and participated in sexism throughout the primary” and Hillarysmygirl08 who calls Obama “the most vile sexist man on the Planet.” (Hyperbole.) Yeah, I’m betting they’re not into spousal abuse jokes. (Comic understatement.)

I remember, several years ago, one of my housemates emerged from his room after a prolonged phone conversation and stated, “Just so none of the rest of you step on the same mine that I just did: apparently girlfriends don’t like to be called “whores,” even if you’re obviously joking.” In that spirit, I think someone needs to sit McCain down and explain to him that he should avoid the following phrases unless he wants one of the dems4mccain to drive a stiletto heel (pretense of misogyny for ironic effect) through his coccyx (alliterative succession of hard “K” sounds, plus phonetic similarity to vulgar term for the phallus).

• "I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago."
• "At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."
• "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."
• "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."
• "I love Cindy so much that I actually bothered to be present for one of her three miscarriages."
• "Lynn Cheney didn’t choose to be a lesbian. She was born too fat for any man to find her attractive. I mean, when my first wife got fat… blech!"
• "I love Cindy so much that when she developed a 20-pill-a-day Vicodin habit, I knew something was wrong as soon as she told me about it more than a year after she quit."
• "Bitches ain’t shit but hos and tricks. Lick on these nuts and suck the dick. Just get the fuck out after you’re done. And I hops in my ride to make a quick run."
• "Hey, check out my hilarious new shirt:"
  

And finally...

• "We will be victorious in The War Against Terror, or TWAT. When we entered into TWAT, we encountered a putrid cesspool the likes of which mankind had never before witnessed. TWAT represents the single greatest evil confronting mankind today. And while it may seem as if more blood – horrible, horrible blood - is spilling from TWAT with each passing month, we must stay engaged in TWAT - whether we’re wanted there or not – pounding the forces of evil into submission and planting the seed of democracy, even if it take 100 excruciatingly painful years."