3 reasons why Obama probably isn't the Antichrist

Hello, everybody. Let me introduce myself. I’m Blood Zirconia and I went to college with Rupert and Debbie. The other day I was talking to my dad and he told me about a new Obama smear email that one of his coworkers received. It was so hilariously asinine that I had to write something about it, and Rupert was kind enough to send me an invite.
Basically, the gist of the email was "Did you know that the book of Revelations says that the Antichrist will be a Muslim in his 40s?" Seriously.

In response, I present for your enjoyment the "How Sensitive Is Your Horseshit Detector?" Quiz:

Question 1: Is Barack Obama a Muslim or a Christian?
A) He’s a Muslim.
B) He’s a Christian and his Christian reverend has been on television constantly for the past several months so all I would have to do to know he’s a Christian is turn on the news once a month or so.

Question 2: Did Islam exist when the book of Revelations was written?
A) What’s an Islam? I thought we were talking about Muslims.
B) Christianity predates Islam by hundreds of years so the author or authors of Revelations would have no idea what a Muslim was or that they would ever exist.

Question 3: Why would a person’s status as the Antichrist be conditional upon his age? Would he suddenly become the Antichrist at the stroke of midnight on his 40th birthday? Would he cease to be the Antichrist when he turned 50?
A) You’re right, that makes no fucking sense.
B) LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA!!!

Now go to the bottom of the post and turn your computer upside-down to check your answers. If you got one to three correct answers, congratulations, you have stronger critical thinking skills than the average border collie. If you scored zero correct answers, well, you deserve every joke Dick Cheney cracks about your home state.

hillary wins PA! poor white people celebrate defeat of muslim half-breed.

jesus. if persistence, phony gladhanding, and an annoying pta-mom-esque reprimanding style of rhetoric can end the war and fix the economy, maybe i've been completely wrong in supporting this dude obama.

most people knew she'd win. that wasn't the question. the question was whether or not she could even get enough votes to stick around, and she did.

from reuters:
"I think the numbers and margin -- combined with the spin -- will leave superdelegates wondering why can't this guy just beat her." he said. "As long as they are thinking that, she gets a little time."

the fucking spin? THE SPIN? has everybody running the show in the democrat party spent so much time being bombarded by advertisements and shitty corporate pr their entire lives that they're susceptible to SPIN? or are they just so cynical about this entire process that they'd rather send the media-declared winner than the better politician? this worries the hell out of me. the clintons are the masters of spin. they'll use it to their advantage, for sure, despite the fact that obama's eventual performance topped initial opinion polls. (citation needed. deal with it.)

if howard dean and his dnc buddies actually stumbled upon this blog, i'd like them to consder an idea i have. let's ignore the spin for ONE FUCKING SECOND, and acknowledge the plain and simple truth. hillary clinton's campaign is one based on negativity, and she's dragging obama down into it. her campaign is based predominantly on heavily embellished political experience and bush-esque fear tactics.

we've already had eight long, terrible years of a highly divisive, disingenuous political insider riding on a relative's coattails, falsely claiming folksy populism, and violently smearing anyone who crosses their path. the last thing we need is more.

Also Notable Today

Not only is it Earth Day, but it's also the end of the six weeks of hell we've all known as the Pennsylvania Primary.

Today, the good citizens of PA will vote, and no matter the outcome, we will all be able to at least thank them for bringing this sordid sham affair to an end. If I ever see two crusty intellectuals try to pretend they actually like being in Pittsburgh ever again, it will be too soon.

And, if you want election results, here's the official state results page.

I can't guarantee you it will have up-to-the-minute info like the news sites, but I can guarantee that it won't have any overbearing blowhards or underqualified blondes beating you over the head with their spins, flips and other dizzying ways of taking the news and turning it into "news."

EDIT: Speaking of "news," Drudge is (re: was) reporting that exit polls show Obama only losing by 4%. Take that for what it is. I'm not going to give political insight or comment until I see hard numbers, but the fact remains that Drudge is claiming the exit polls show a 4% win for Hillz in PA.

EDIT: This is why I don't take "news" seriously. Hillz won by 9%. Not 4 (and not 10 either).