o hai olimpikz no tardz plz

Today I'm pulling from ESPN to give you this amazing update on just which of your freedoms China plans to oppress this summer at the Olympic Games.

Among the favorites:

• Those with "mental diseases" or contagious conditions will be barred.

• Some parts of the country are closed to visitors -- one of them Tibet.

• Olympic tickets are no guarantee of a visa to enter China.

So to recap - if you have Olympic tickets, but you're a Free Tibet activist or you're actually retarded in the "I have a problem I was born with that isn't remotely funny to make fun of at all" way, then you should probably start researching ticket-scalping services.

Also, if you have a cold or any other visible illness, you will likely be barred from entering the country.

We spend a lot of our time focussed on the election and the recession around here, but we all need to remember that in a very short time, the entire country of China is going to attempt to put its best foot forward to the rest of the world... and then China is going to fall on its face onto a land mine made of hand grenades.

On a somewhat related note - I don't know where they're going to start, and I'm not exactly sure what's going to trip the first one, but I still predict widespread rioting by mid-August.