usa becomes nagging control freak wife

a dramatic re-interpretation of the usa's new data collection policy towards foreign travellers:

hey! hey you, get back here! just where do you think you're going, mister? oh, new york, huh? what do you think you're doing there?

you're going with your friends? which friends?
rahim?
do i know rahim?
he sounds...ethnic.
what is he, african-american?

ohhh, he's muslim?
and you said you're going to new york?
my friend condoleeza said that's no good...she's known people who have gotten into trouble with muslims in new york.
just be careful, ok? i'm gonna call you every 3 hours and make sure condoleeza and her friends keep an eye on you.
how, you ask?
i have my ways.

wait a minute...
where are you taking that cigarette lighter, and that tube of gel?
you ARE up to no good!

how do i know? i knew already anyways. i've been reading your emails. i just wanted to hear you say it.

stay right here, mister! you're not going anywhere for a long time. these next few months are gonna be torture.