Preface: One of my roommates is a real live girl. I get to watch all the sports I want if she gets to watch American Idol.
So yeah, so anyway, this happened on American Idol.
Awesome.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Nonpolitical Interludes: American Idol Recap
VTU and Univ of Illinois Gun Dealer offers guns at cost for the benefit of the public
In life, one does not often come across charitable gun salesmen - surely this new phenomenon is an oxymoron to end all oxymorons, preferably with hollow points to the head. Eric Thompson, the owner of TGSCOM Inc, the company that runs the websites that sold guns to Cho and Kazmierczak is now offering to give guns away for cost -
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/24/va.tech.niu/index.html
He is doing this, he says because - "I want to help people save lives," . Just like he did on the two prior occasions. This is the kind of news the Onion could not make up if it tried. Only in America can a gun salesman who acknowldges that he has no way of even determining whether the people who buy guns from him are college students (he initially proposed to offer the discount to students but realised it was not possible to do this) claim that he is doing the community a favor by making it easier (economically in this case) to buy guns. This is a sure fire way to secure the safety of the community, pun intended. In his words - "But there's no real way to determine whether someone is a college student ... so we opened it up to any legal American." Atleast he is keeping Jose from getting his hands on the trigger. That makes it so much safer for us to rest at night. He even acknowledges that some of the guns he sells may end up in the wrong hands. He is one self aware mensch he is.
He demands that we distance him from the actions of the men who pulled the trigger, that he only supplied some metal and plastic. Lovingly crafted metal and plastic that he now wants to give away to assuage his guilt. He says - "This isn't fun, and this isn't easy , I could have easily stuck my head in the sand and ignored all of this, but sometimes the easy way to go is not the right thing to do." What a sense of ethical responsibility this man has? A true citizen. He could be goose stepping to Wagner in an NRA recruitment video. At the end of the interview he whines about potentially losing thousands of dollars from his pioneering 'flood the streets with cheap handguns'' campaign. It might break the back of his family, reduce him to penury, but his cold dead hands just have to give away handguns.
Remember the last scene in 'Throne of Blood' where the Toshiro Mifune's evil wife tries desperately to wash blood off her hands. Even a character as depraved as her feels a pang of conscience at the end. Not our friend Thompson who sees himself as the Red Cross of handguns, distributing them to the bullet-wound-and-colostomy-bag-deprived young urbans. Let us bring back the crossfire dodging charm of the old west he is saying, a true conservationist.
It is funny how people like him see society strictly in terms of good guys who feel a heart rendering and beautiful need to protect themselves and bad guys who shoot up the place and kill innocents. A good person does not turn bad until he commits a deed. We are all potential murderers and thieves and school shooters. That piece of metal or plastic is not just a neutral product like an automobile or a can of juice. It is designed to and makes it easier to kill. Arming people is not the solution. I will leave the last word to our buddy Eric - "I do not feel I have extreme views," he said. "I think I have open eyes." Well then remove the blinders you have in front of them so you can see clearly.
Guy who sold guns to school shooters wants concealed weapons on campus
Ok dig this. The guy who sold guns to both Sueng Hui Cho and Steven Kazmierczak - the shooters at VTU and Univ of Illinois spoke on the VTUcampus at an event sponsored by a student organisation favoring carrying concealed weapons on campus -
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/25/vatech.guns/index.html
This guy is the classic shameless salesman. First he sold guns to the guys who shot up the university, creating an atmosphere of fear and now he wants to sell more guns to the people who were traumatised by violence. How low is that? Whatever his beliefs may be, however much he values the second ammendment, does he not have atleast a sense of decency and respect for the victims of the shootings? Why doesnt Bill O Riley protest this speech. He had his typical leaden words for Nas when he performed at the same campus, claiming that his violent lyrics and violent crime convictions made him an insensitive choice as campus entertainment. What about this guy who has blood on his hands?
How many of you readers want to go to a school where the ambitious nut next to you packs heat? Hell would you want to be in a classroom with me if I had a gun on me? I have come to class in some really messed up emotional situations - severly hung over and depressed etc. I have had words with people in class that could have escalated into serious violence if it was in a bar. The great thing about a college classroom is the freedom to speak your mind without fear of repercussions - intellectual or physical. Do you really want to discuss peaceful solutions to world problems in an IR class with a glock sticking into your crotch? Or declaim the poetry of TS Eliot while someone next to you falls asleep on his gun.
What about some of the insane professors you have had? Do you really want to be late on that assignment you owe to that creepy stutterer who stares at the girls in the front row and now packs a 9. I would rather have guns in my rap lyrics than in the hands of the guy whose points I eviscerate with my logic in philosophy class. In fact I want my rap lyrics drowned in buckets of blood so that when I step into class I can focus on reality - which does not imply gun ownership to feel safe.
Nonpolitical Interludes: We Have Confirmed Possible Statuatory, Roger, Over.
It's so hard for me to pick my favorite thing about this story that says that apparently Roger Clemens has been banging country singer Mindy McCready for the better part of the last decade or something. I honestly don't know, I just skimmed this article for the juicy bits.
Among my favorite tidbits?
1) Roger Clemens allegedly sent McCready money through an intermediary, some checks in excess of 20k, to help her with legal troubles (the Mc has a bit of a pill issue... there was this whole thing where she was accused of "prescription fraud" or something).
Everyone who has ever given a ton of money to a woman with problems who WASN'T doing fun things to your penis, raise your hand. yeeeeeeahhhhh....
2) Roger Clemens was married the whole time this was (allegedly) going on. The whole time. To a woman who likes to compare her fake tots to other ballplayer wives' fake tots who likes to do HGH. That's like the RC's dream woman, right? Apparently not.
3) He met her at a bar called "The Hired Hand" in Florida.
4) He took her home that night.
5) She was FIF-FUCKING-TEEN YEARS OLD.
6) According to ol' RC, they didn't do anything back at the hotel. Yeah. Because every man who ever took a hot, underage, aspiring country singer back to his top-floor first-class master-suite in Florida just wanted to have a sleepover. She paint your toenails, Rog? Did you guys give each other makeovers? (there's a facial joke in there I'm staying away from)
And yet, with all of this... that's not my favorite subplot of this story.
My favorite subplot of this story is... *drumroll*
7) During a portion of this alleged affair, Mindy McCready was engaged to Dean Cain.
Roger Clemens is a lying, cheating minorfucker who hates Superman, his own family and the entire game of baseball (allegedly).
Monday, April 28, 2008
united states secret service, uniformed division
"While protection of the White House Complex remains its primary mission, the Uniformed Division's responsibilities have expanded greatly over the years.
They now protect the following:
* the White House Complex, the Main Treasury Building and Annex, and other Presidential offices;
* the President and members of the immediate family;
* the temporary official residence of the Vice President in the District of Columbia;
* the Vice President and members of the immediate family; and
* foreign diplomatic missions in the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area and throughout the United States, and its territories and possessions, as prescribed by statute."
pretty innocuous, right? basically these guys are the kings of american rent-a-cops, making sure nobody starts any shenanigans in the white house. "don't shit in the lincoln bedroom," "please call it 'enhanced interrogation,' not torture," "we know he sucks too but please don't punch the president," etc, etc.
turns out these guys have been given a couple extra responsibilities in bush's Global War on Everything. here's a little excerpt from the 2005 patriot act renewal:
(b)(1) Under the direction of the Director of the Secret Service, members of the United States Secret Service Uniformed Division are authorized to--
`(A) carry firearms;
`(B) make arrests without warrant for any offense against the United States committed in their presence, or for any felony cognizable under the laws of the United States if they have reasonable grounds to believe that the person to be arrested has committed or is committing such felony;
i'm no constitutional scholar, but something about that ain't quite right. so these glorified traffic cops work for the president, can arrest anyone on sight if they have 'reasonable grounds' (apparently different from the more constitutional 'probable cause'), and don't need a warrant?
oh patriot act, what will you fuck up next?
we're doubly fucked: ap
to ms. anonymous gas-tank-filler:
you'll get a lot more sympathy from the ichf staff when you're filling something other than that audi suv. in fact, bicycles don't even need gas! idiot.
update: a group in san francisco has organized a PRAY-IN to lower gas prices. normally, asking god for price controls is the domain of the president alone, but he has been too busy asking for nachos, a gun that lights poor people on fire, and a rangers world series victory.
update 2: i totally forgot about yesterday's canary in the coal mine...i was at costco buying the supercheap stuff from the food court. you wouldn't imagine the kind of line i saw yesterday...bigger than i've ever seen in my years of getting cheap food there. screw rice, i'm stocking up on hot dogs and soft serve. the line at the costco gas station was equally gnarly.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
ron paul: still alive!
well, we can account for 100,000+ votes from the 'bitter' gun nuts, internet geeks, pot smokers, and other miscellaneous cranks in pennsylvania: ron paul took 15.9%. even though he knows he can't statistically win, he's running just to give those all those big-money, big-state, big-war republicans an ideological asswhuppin', libertarian style.
seriously, you gotta show the guy a little love. in those crazy early days of the primaries, when debate topics were yes/no questions answered by raising a hand, he was able to call out rudy "9/11" giuliani's sheer cartoonish hawk bullshit. rudy's campaign was never really the same, thank god. sure, some of old man paul's political stumps don't really work (yeah, leaving the un is a GREAT idea), but we all know that he built his support off of being a contrarian shit-talker rather than somebody your parents would vote for.
politico just ran an article about his continuing campaign, and the people that still support him:
But while keeping to the same mantra — “I have no plan, no intention to do so” — Paul is also not completely slamming the door shut on a third-party run. And, perhaps more worrisome for Republicans should they have a tight race with the eventual Democratic nominee, he’s also not ruling out supporting a third-party candidate.
Asked what he would do if his supporters approached him this fall and asked him whom to support, Paul replied, “I’ll respond when I think I should — when we know where the ducks are lining up.”
when it's all said and done, the story of ron paul very well could be the story of a new grassroots-based ideological bloc in america, and maybe even a third party. good timing for it, too. we can talk all we like about the great candidates that are running for the presidency, but the two-party system has never failed america like it has right now. voters hate the president, but they only hate his opposition in congress slightly less. pelosi's a chickenshit that won't even consider impeaching a guy guilty of several crimes that we know about.
one can only hope he drops the ralph nader effect on john mccain in november.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Right-Wing Rant: Oil Prices
Howdy. I'm Joeverkill, and this is the Right-Wing Rant.
The issue of oil prices is on a lot of minds and tongues these days. It's starting to really piss people off, and so of course the fatcats in Washington want to step in an do something about it in order to appease their constituents. There are several proposed plans, the two front-runners being price controls and John McCain's plan to suspend the federal gas tax.
These are bad ideas.
Let me first address John McCain's thinly veiled bribe to short-sighted voters. McCain wants to suspend the federal gas tax from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Suspending the 18 cent per gallon federal tax would cost the government an estimated $10 billion. John McCain has admitted in the past that he's not an economic expert, and that is evident here. What could he be thinking? "Gee, I bet people would love it if I magically made gas cheaper when it's at its most expensive. Hey, it's a good idea to artificially and suddenly decrease the price of a limited commodity during a time of peak demand, right? Golly, the voters are gonna love this." Aaaaand cut to a Vietnam flashback. Suspending the federal gas tax for a few months is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. It's short-sighted and callous, and in my opinion it's an obvious attempt at bribing voters.
What about price controls? I'm pro free-market, but even I have to admit price controls are a useful and even necessary thing sometimes. However, like John McCain's proposed Summer of sex and taxless gas (minus the sex), price controls on gasoline are a bad idea. They're a short-term solution to a long-term problem. This country needs to come to terms with the fact that internal combustion engines are expensive to run. Serious changes need to be made if we're going to maintain our current standard of living after oil goes up to $200 per barrel. You may argue that price controls will prevent costs from going up that high. And if that's your argument, you're a fucking idiot and deserve to be run over by your own gas-powered riding lawnmower.
I'm Joeverkill, and this has been a Right-Wing Rant.
kook predicts end of american suburbia, frightens other kooks
all this talk of climbing oil prices is starting to spook some people out about the very fabric of american society, including some people with enough prestige to write books about it. one said kook, james kunstler, is claiming that the age of american suburbia is over. from his interview in businessweek:
"The suburbs were largely products of industrialism. We had a huge supply of oil and cheap undeveloped land, and we decided to become a happy, motoring utopia. It had many practical benefits. The trouble is after a while it became a cartoon of country living."
hell, i believe it. i live in southern california, the world's capital of hastily constructed, not-quite-fire-retardant-enough mcmansions. about 5 years ago, when we were all living in era of false economic prosperity that i like to call the 'war bubble,' many of the people i knew who thought they knew a thing or two about money were buying up huge plots of land far from the city centers to build gigantic houses. the conventional wisdom at the time was that supply and demand would do their thing, people would keep pouring into these burbs, and these prices would continue to skyrocket. basically, if you sit on this land for a while, you'll be rich, right?
meanwhile, people who knew slightly less about money but still wanted them big purty houses were getting conned into shit loans whose interest rates climbed nearly immediately. you'll get that raise, and you'll be able to afford that interest, right?
WRONG. alla y'all fucked up!
turns out that housing bubble was completely unnatural, you took out a ton of loans on home equity that you no longer have, and gas prices are supremely fucked. i bet that commute from temecula is a bitch.
it's getting so bad that starbucks' earnings are starting to drop, since suburban moms can hardly afford their venti mocha crack macchiato after dropping $20 just to drive to the store (oh snap...did i mention food prices are getting fucked too?) and take little connor to soccer practice.
"Cheap oil is what made suburbia possible. But we'll run into problems with spot shortages. As we get into trouble with these supplies, our economy will suffer. Major instabilities in the system will present themselves much sooner than we are led to believe. And by that I mean the way we produce food, the way we conduct commerce, and the way we move around."
the fact of the matter is that gas being more expensive will make everything more expensive: transportation, pizza deliveries, nascar races, EVERYTHING. i believe this guy when he says it - the suburban way of life is probably fucked. im already planning to make my way into the city. what about you?
EDIT: yep. fucked.
The New York Injustice System.
Today the forum for the New York justice system to determine a racially driven -NYPD involved murder trial, was open yet again (see '99 shooting of Amadou Diallo). The trials circumstances were extensibly altered due to the parties involved..... the NYPD primarily; thus putting the determination of a verdict on the court justice rather than a grand jury, more-so due to a suspected public bias accumulated in the time between the incident and courtroom hearings.
The verdict delivered was that of great speculation. The three detectives, who expelled fifty .32 caliber pistol rounds towards Sean Bell and two of his companions outside of a gentlemen's club in Jamaica, Queens, were acquitted, of all accounts pending towards them.
Mayor Bloomberg commented accordingly:
"There are no winners in a trial like this. An innocent man lost is life , a bride lost her groom, two daughters lost their father, and a mother and a father lost their son." -culled directly from: NYTIMES.
And three NYPD officers preemptively profiled three African-American men at a night club -note: this night out was Bell's bachelor party.... seriously- as utter endangerment to the surrounding public even in the waking hours of the day; opened rapid fire, ended a mans life, and wounded two others' permanently, were acquitted. See there was no winner to be determined in this case what so ever; what mayor Bloomberg failed to recognize, was the fact that Justice, something the state of New York is clearly farce at determining, was needed to be instilled in order to rectify a seemingly heinous crime -despite those who committed it.
P.S. Bloomberg
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Real Betrayers? Well It Depends on the Holiday
Does anyone else remember that fateful day when a man thought to be a strong backer of the Clinton campaign for president severed the ties and instead endorsed the other guy…you know, Barack Obama? James Carville apparently does and he once again reiterated the element of betrayal imposed by Bill
florida considers christian license plates
"Rep. Edward Bullard, the plate's sponsor, said people who 'believe in their college or university' or 'believe in their football team' already have license plates they can buy. The new design is a chance for others to put a tag on their cars with "something they believe in," he said."
really? anything you believe in? i'm moving to florida to get my custom "grass on the infield? play ball!" license plate.
link.
Nonpolitical Interludes: Amazing Moments in Advertising
Ugh. I can't make this pic any bigger (stupid effing blogspot), but his sign reads as follows:
"Family killed by ninjas. Need money for karate lessons."
Best. Life Insurance. Ad. Ever.
why don't we give them funny-sounding racehorse names, too?
just when you thought this political election cycle couldn't get any more ridiculous, slate is now charting the chances of each candidates by monitoring political betting markets.
Even worse? These are actually MORE accurate than exit polls. "A single person's bet on an election outcome isn't very good, but thousands of bets, with real stakes, are more likely to predict the correct result than even the best pundit. The Iowa Electronic Markets, the big daddy of the political prediction markets, is consistently better at forecasting winners than pre-election polls." we could spend plenty of time wondering why these polls are more accurate. my guess is that being pc and lying about voting for the black guy won't help you make any money.
speaking of which, the obamskeets still has 4-to-5 odds to beat hillary in the donkey primaries, and 2-to-1 odds to win the whole thing. however, i'm pretty sure the entire betting system is a little out of whack, since they're not even considering the possibility of a bush/cheney coup d'etat, armageddon, or jesse 'the douchebag' ventura.
as for my bet, i've got a five-spot on 'hail to the queef' in the second race.
rupert murdoch developing super-laser, holding planet ransom for $900 trillion
ok, not really. but you gotta give the guy credit. he's the closest thing we have to a bond villain. i've seen enough stuff floating around the intertubes (not including myspace) today to start actually becoming scared of him.
four months after murdoch took over the wall street journal, the managing editor is resigning.
"Reporters and other editors say that while Mr. Brauchli agreed with some of the changes made in recent months, it was clear that many of them were dictated from above, and that he questioned the shift toward general-interest news."
this move, according to the article, is meant to position wsj as a direct competitor to the new york times. apparently he's not a fan of their librul bullshit - reports on wmd, torture in iraq, and other facets of reality aren't good for his infotainment empire's ratings. to top it off, just in case bastardizing the wsj is not enough to get his propagandist bullshit heard in every corner of the five boroughs, he's also looking to buy newsday (source: newsday. go fig.), and owns two local networks.
so that all sounds like some regular 21st-century evil consolidated media type stuff, right? well it gets slightly creepier. apparently the dude hires black hat hackers to hack the dish network (according to the dish network). the hacker says this was only to reverse engineer some hardware - still kinda fucked, but not bond-level creepy. tell me then, old man murdoch: why was his first payment "$20,000 in cash hidden in electronic devices mailed from Canada"?
you would have attracted much less attention paying him with a lifetime supply of mountain dew and 100 myspace whores of his choice. after all, you run that $600 million diarrhea puddle of a website. you could totally make them disappear, you evil fuck.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
bush owns treehuggers
shocking news today out of washington: g-dub and his buddies are fucking with epa data.
889 scientists or 60 percent, said they had personally experienced at least one instance of political interference in the last five years; 394 said they experienced frequent or occasional "statements by EPA officials that misrepresent scientists' findings."
More than one-fifth, or 285, said they had experienced "selective or incomplete use of data to justify a specific regulatory outcome," the report said.
remember all those times in college when you wrote a paper and then just basically skimmed the book that you never read for quotes that may vaguely support your point? a lot of people still do it, especially when they want it to fit in with their ideology. while it's fairly acceptable from two bit bloggers, it seems a little wacky to deny empirical data because it doesn't fit in with your 4000-year-old book of jewish tribal mythology.
meanwhile, in bizarro world, president gore and the over-staffed and under-worked united states military (in conjunction with an international coalition) have just returned all greenhouse gases to their preindustrial levels.
Let's Play Global ThermoNuclear War
Hillary Clinton will nuke Iran if they nuke Israel.
Directly from MSNBC:
"In the interview [on Countdown with Keith Olberman] Monday, Clinton affirmed that she would warn Iran’s leaders that 'their use of nuclear weapons against Israel would provoke a nuclear response from the United States.'"
Hillary Clinton: A Vote for a More Aggressive America.
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hillary wins PA! poor white people celebrate defeat of muslim half-breed.
jesus. if persistence, phony gladhanding, and an annoying pta-mom-esque reprimanding style of rhetoric can end the war and fix the economy, maybe i've been completely wrong in supporting this dude obama.
most people knew she'd win. that wasn't the question. the question was whether or not she could even get enough votes to stick around, and she did.
from reuters:
"I think the numbers and margin -- combined with the spin -- will leave superdelegates wondering why can't this guy just beat her." he said. "As long as they are thinking that, she gets a little time."
the fucking spin? THE SPIN? has everybody running the show in the democrat party spent so much time being bombarded by advertisements and shitty corporate pr their entire lives that they're susceptible to SPIN? or are they just so cynical about this entire process that they'd rather send the media-declared winner than the better politician? this worries the hell out of me. the clintons are the masters of spin. they'll use it to their advantage, for sure, despite the fact that obama's eventual performance topped initial opinion polls. (citation needed. deal with it.)
if howard dean and his dnc buddies actually stumbled upon this blog, i'd like them to consder an idea i have. let's ignore the spin for ONE FUCKING SECOND, and acknowledge the plain and simple truth. hillary clinton's campaign is one based on negativity, and she's dragging obama down into it. her campaign is based predominantly on heavily embellished political experience and bush-esque fear tactics.
we've already had eight long, terrible years of a highly divisive, disingenuous political insider riding on a relative's coattails, falsely claiming folksy populism, and violently smearing anyone who crosses their path. the last thing we need is more.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Also Notable Today
Not only is it Earth Day, but it's also the end of the six weeks of hell we've all known as the Pennsylvania Primary.
Today, the good citizens of PA will vote, and no matter the outcome, we will all be able to at least thank them for bringing this sordid sham affair to an end. If I ever see two crusty intellectuals try to pretend they actually like being in Pittsburgh ever again, it will be too soon.
And, if you want election results, here's the official state results page.
I can't guarantee you it will have up-to-the-minute info like the news sites, but I can guarantee that it won't have any overbearing blowhards or underqualified blondes beating you over the head with their spins, flips and other dizzying ways of taking the news and turning it into "news."
EDIT: Speaking of "news," Drudge is (re: was) reporting that exit polls show Obama only losing by 4%. Take that for what it is. I'm not going to give political insight or comment until I see hard numbers, but the fact remains that Drudge is claiming the exit polls show a 4% win for Hillz in PA.
EDIT: This is why I don't take "news" seriously. Hillz won by 9%. Not 4 (and not 10 either).
President Robert Mugabe has long been at the reigns of administrative authority in Zimbabwe; not only leading the ruling ZANU-PF party, but manipulatively yielding partisan supporters positions, to further benefit his political standing. During the recent parliamentary elections in Zimbabwe, Mugabe’s ‘reign’ was seemingly thwarted, when MDC (Movement for Democratic Change) leader, Morgan Tsvangirai was ostensibly declared the winner of the elections, furthermore reforming Zimbabwe’s administration.
But bully-like authoritative demands from Mugabe have halted the proliferation of a possible MDC occupation of Zimbabwe’s government. A democratic related re-count has been called for, mainly by Mugabe and numerous ZANU-PF officials, and only chaos has in sewed within Zimbabwe’s public and the ongoing political limbo.
Quote culled directly from this article in The Economist:
“Human Rights Watch, an international group, says that ZANU-PF, the ruling party of President Robert Mugabe, has set up torture camps across the country as part of a systematic campaign to intimidate the opposition.”
Mugabe seems to be taking the most literal and obvious approach to the fact that he is ultimately ousted by an opposition –whose numbers are growing, given the treatment of the Zimbabwean people (“The MDC says that ten of its supporters have been killed, some shot dead. The opposition also says that some 3,000 families have had to flee their homes, 500 people have been put in hospital and over 400 opposition activists have been arrested.”) –and knows it.
It seems outlandish, a political figure who has already schemed a recount –presented and supported almost entirely by the ruling party– punishing those in support of an opposition who has seemingly already ousted his administration. The bitterness of Mugabe’s actions have been portrayed on a humanitarian level and although surrounding nations, mainly SADC, have not deemed Mugabe’s actions as ill-minded or out of mere anger towards election results, many African nations (Tanzania, Botswana, Kenya –who faced similar conflict) have pushed to address Mugabe’s actions. Single-dominant political factions, in power for a protracted amount of time, must be non-existent.
Political Smackdown
Last night, apparently the candidates appeared on WWE Raw. I only know about this because it was reported by the L.A. Times, and one of my poor friends who chose to sell his soul to Hollywood actually reads that trash and sent me the link.
However, to save you from having to read the actual article (it's quite pathetic), I'll just hit you with the video right here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that fans of the WWE don't vote. To be honest, I was under the impression that fans of the WWE don't even properly wipe themselves, much less vote.
pennsylvania primaries and other things killing the planet
and away we go. all that booze-drinking with the unwashed masses, shit-talking the other candidates, and pretending to have blue-collar cred is about to pay off. they're gonna vote for the next prez-ee-dent! who's it gonna be?
let wolf blitzer cover that shit. i've got nothing more to add to the debate, and i'm officially sick enough of hillary that i can hardly consider her a real human being.
in other news, today is also earth day. this is one of those days where people make themselves feel better about our dying planet by planting a tree or two, then driving home in their ford excursions and eating all those animal meats that apparently take so much farmland to grow and feed. it's kind of like being a three-pack-a-day smoker and giving up one cigarette for lent. tell you what, hippies. i'll take you seriously about this earth day thing, if you take earth day seriously enough to back what you say.
here's some things you could do to make yourself more energy-efficient, in a way that actualy means jack or shit:
1. torch your car and never drive again.
2. move to a secluded area and start up a self-sustaining, carbon-neutral survivalist compound. Note: this is fully legal, but the government might get upset if you start marrying underaged girls.
3. Stop using antibiotics, cleaning agents, and pesticides, because who are you to say that cows and chimpanzees are more valued life forms than mosquitoes and bacteria?
4. Turn off your simultaneously-running computer, cable box, dvd player, and television, unless they're being powered by windmills, cold fusion, or magic.
at least the earth liberation front has the huevos to do the really hardcore shit. i'm not advocating what they do, but if you talk the talk you gotta walk the walk, right?
Monday, April 21, 2008
"talking to ourselves" and why this blog is the way it is
susan jacobs over at the times has written an interesting article about the decline of respectful disagreement in everyday american discourse, and its possible causes and effects. basically, the article suggests that the cacophony of voices we have in a digital-cable-and-rss-feed society is now allowing us to insulate ourselves around information that validates our own opinions. we're cutting ourselves off enough from objective information that we can write our own narratives about controversial cultural opinions, and then form clans around those opinions.
"When I recently spoke about the militant parochialism of American intellectual life on a radio talk show, a caller responded by telling me that there was nothing new about Americans preferring to bask in the reflected glow of their own opinions. Talk radio and political blogs, in his view, are merely the modern equivalent of friends -- and haven't we always chosen friends who agree with us?"
that's true, for sure. plenty of us spend our time knocking bill o'reilly and his clan. i for one rail on my parents for watching lou dobbs, who has stoked their fears about illegal immigration and the clearly hypothetical north american union.
however, that's not to say that televised media is the sole offender. anyone who has read digg or - even worse - reddit has probably been subjected to these memes from time to time. for nearly a year, i was a card-carrying member of the ron paul revolution. i even bit the "bush set up 9/11" line for a few months (incidentally, though i don't think he had an active hand in it, nobody can say there aren't a few interesting unanswered questions about that day). media is so plentiful that we are allowed to choose information that suits us, rather than information that is available to everyone. it also has created an oversimplified, quickly-digested media. jacobs continues:
"A vast public laziness feeds the media's predilection today to distill news through polemicists of one stripe or another and to condense complex information into meaningless sound bites. On April 8, for example, Army Gen. David H. Petraeus, commander of the U.S. armed forces in Iraq, testified before the Senate in hearings that lasted into the early evening. Although the hearings were on cable during the day, the networks offered no special programming in the evening, and newscasts were content with sound bites of McCain, Obama and Hillary Clinton questioning the general. Dueling presidential candidates were the whole story."
a society based on cultures absorbed in their own separate worldview is unacceptable. this is not a society i want to live in, and i think quite a few people agree with me.
we can blame it all we want on the media or any number of other causes, but the plain and simple truth is that it is up to us. it is in this spirit that we have all joined and set up the blog. "i can has freedoms" means that free speech is top priority. people of any political stripe are welcome. we only ask a couple things: express your points intelligently, and don't be an asshole. sound good?
Nonpolitical Interludes: The Truth about Fat Fuck Diabetes
60 Minutes is running this "shocking report."
Culled directly from the site:
"Gastric bypass surgery has long been an effective weapon in the battle against obesity, but could it also force type 2 diabetes into almost instant remission? If so, why aren't more people eligible for the operation? Lesley Stahl went looking for answers."
Yo, Lesley, I got your answers right here. Gastric bypass surgery cures Type 2 Diabetes because you can only get Type 2 Diabetes by basically eating yourself into a coma, having no self-respect and turning into a massively fat piece of human trash.
Gastric bypass surgery eliminates one's ability to eat until one becomes similar in look, feel and smell to a hippopotamus's ass. Therefore, it precludes those who undergo the "treatment" from being able to get Fat Fuck Diabetes (FFD from here on).
The reason doctors won't just give this surgery to any Twinkie-lover off the street with FFD is that both hospitals and insurance companies take issue with having to perform invasive surgery to cure a disease that can also be thwarted by PUTTING DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING TWO LITER OF COKE AND GETTING SOME GODDAMN EXERCISE.
Dammit fat lazy Americans piss me off.
Right-Wing Rant: Special Order 40 and Illegals
Greetings, all. I am Joeverkill, and this is my right-wing rant.
science finds new hydrocarbon to fuck up atmosphere
just when you thought that peak oil was going to be the final straw that kept us from burning ourselves alive inside a giant celestial ball of smog, all of our greatest scientific minds have assembled to find a new form of hydrocarbon to celebrate, exploit, and not realize its effects until we've already done a shitload of damage. Thankfully, these are all located in the ocean where it will be more difficult to notice: "A hydrate is created when a molecule of gas – in this case, methane or natural gas – is trapped by high pressures and low temperatures inside a cage of water molecules. The result is almost – but not quite – ice. It's more like a dry, white slush..."
"And gas hydrate fields are found in abundance under the coastal waters of every continent. Calculations suggest there's more energy in gas hydrates than in coal, oil and conventional gas combined." Dig it. we've found a new way to power all of our shit. It's natural gas, so presumably a little bit healthier for the atmosphere (i'm no chemist...could someone clarify that one for me?). Even better, it's not ethanol.
I'll take harvesting some slushy superefficient pseudo-ice out of the water over growing even more corn for my petrofix any day of the week. Just keep ExxonMobil's greedy little mitts off of it and we're golden.
mÃtines relámpagos! history continues to repeat...
Paraguay, unlike other countries facing political reform, is on the verge of altering the head of the governing body, for the first time in nearly twenty years –the longest a single political party has been instated. After Paraguay’s initial shift to presidential democratic rule (1989), there has been a seemingly everlasting stint of the Colorado party and its occupancy of the administrative governing body. But many are unaware of the Colorado party’s origins and ties with authoritarian leaders prior to the countries democratic shift. At one point in the party’s ruling history (1942-1967), the nation was declared a single-party state and no effort of opposition seemed to be exemplified –socially or politically. It wasn’t until the 1980’s where a politically driven opposition surfaced, known as PLRA, or, Authentic Radical Liberal Party. Directed by a man named Domingo Laino, the newly formed party was a focal point in thwarting the obvious lingering occupancy of the Colorado party, primarily during the last half of the eighties. But despite efforts for reform, the Colorado party’s flexed grip on the national media and governmental agencies allowed for an obviously tampered result of victory, during the free elections of 1989 –also the year of the countries reallocation to presidential democracy.
It seems as if even after the installation of western influenced political form, a predominant party can always, with no regard, regulate and determine policy along with social standards on a basis of partisan desire. But even now with underlying ‘liberation politics’ in effect, it seems as if the same efforts exemplified in the tail end of the 1980’s are existent presently within anti-Colorado effort –and in order to avoid pseudo-reform similar to the countries past, the ousted party and its influences, must be ultimately silenced.
It will take a newly elected political administration to ultimately earn the trust of its voting public and shift Paraguay away from a some what corrupt era of thought to be functioning democracy, and furthermore into an era of unbiased and untainted political and social relationship.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
history repeats itself.
The recent Italian parliament election proved to halt any form of change in the current administrative occupancy. This jolly fellow, Silvio Berlusconi, has been the head of the Italian government dating back to the early nineties. It seems the only credibility in his victory in recent election is dealt to that of an unprepared left-middle side with hope for change, and an obvious grip on Italian media that Berlusconi uses to disenfranchise any opposition.
Instances of obvious protracted totalitarian-esque governments, mainly exhibited in parliamentary infrastructure, are too common in many EU nations and a number of African government bodies. It would be difficult to doubt much upheaval within citizens and a growing emergence of social unrest within any oppressive state around the world.
power to the people.
Fag Bashers at the Smell, - April 9th 2008
Seeing how far the posts on this blog have already strayed from Nineco Gunch's stated aim of intelligent (and angry) political discourse (treeman? really Rupert! not so subliminal dis yo!), I figured I' d take things out for a spin with my next post. This is a review of a show I saw at The Smell. A week ago, I was back in the crack mother city - LA, and decided that it was about time I went to check out The Smell. I had heard excellent things about the venue - all ages, serving only vegan food, with a community vibe about it that appeals to the old Fugazi fan in me. I was a little kid in India when those guys toured and helped open up the all ages scene, that Dischord kick-started in the early 80's. When I got older I used to read, with a wide eyed wonder, about their idealism and work ethic. The Smell continues things in the same spirit - the slogan and band name 'No Age' painted on the closed, steel front on Main Street comes from a SST comp from 87. They obviously take their cues from the hardcore community spirit and heritage. As evidenced from the organisers slightly stiff reaction to the Fag Bashers antics, one could also say that they share some of that scene's uptight self righteousness.
The show was advertised as The International Noise Conference - a reference perhaps to the famous 1991 International Pop Underground Convention organised by K records. The acts that went on before the Bashers, played short 5 - 10 minute sets with minimal set up and fuss. They, mostly, consisted of a single person with a deck, effects pedals and mic. The night was tight and the impact focused. Walls of squall, recoiling power noise and thrusting feedback, reached deep into my ears, and opened my tympanum to all audible frequencies - The effect of the sound on my ears was akin to a psychedelic, revealing its full possibility for hearing, like psylocibin devulges the subconsciousness to the brain. The short set times meant that no one got bored, or tired, of the aural assault we were subjected to. I felt, a sense of calm like I have seldom felt, at a concert.
Typically concerts tend to set me on edge - the palpable smells, of alcohol, weed and the hint of sex, all conspire to make me slightly uncomfortable, and I have to lubricate myself with a few beers to overcome my natural reserve. In keeping with the spirit of the venue I arrived with nothing more than Ramen and caffeine in my stomach (Little Tokyo is a few blocks away and just down Main street is a friendly coffee shop called Ground Works). The aural aussault had the paradoxical effect of calming me even further. In short I was ripe meat for the Fag Bashers set.I was seated on the couch in the main room next to the bookshelf. I am hoping that they get around to posting the video of the night, so that everyone who reads this can get a clearer picture of the mayhem, the two members of the band staged, and see how incongruously they fit with the rest of the event. The video posted on their myspace site-
of an earlier show gives one a good idea of their get up and M.O. - two thoroughly skinny guys in football jerseys, with an amp, mic, boom box, busted looking drumkit and a stack of empty kegs. At first, I was not aware that they were part of the show, because they were the first band to play in that well lit corner of The Smell.
A Nickelback song started to play on the boom box. The reaction of the smattering of scenesters and noise freaks, me included, as the song started to play, was priceless. Everyone froze. Not a head bobbed. One enlightened hipster started to ironically shake his head to the song for a few seconds. Nothing could have caused more discomfort among the assembled noisea-rat-i, than the simple act of playing this thoroughly populist number, in the middle of such an elitist show. Now, I have seen groups of kids, at the bar down the street from where I live in PA, sing along to that same song, tons of times, their faces filled with joy, like the dancing and singing members of a black church. Their faces seemed to convey the feeling that, they were being understood by those rockstars, their workaday lives expressed, in the singer's nasal whine that dripped with overproduced compassion. I would bury my head in my beer and try not to meet any faces.
I would have given a lot of money, to see one of those guys squirm through some of the sets I saw that evening, and then, see a grin light up his face, when this song played. To see the reaction of the people around him, when he sang along enthusiastically, would have been precious. You want to talk about a red state blue state divide - there it is, in an oversimplified and somewhat disingenuous way.
Here I must digress and provide a link to a great article in the venerable Onion titled "Local Hipster Over-Explaining Why He Was At The Mall".
Everyone of us, has at some time in their life been guilty of a taste violation(if you believe in such things). All the cool music I listen to today, is, in some sense a cover job, to hide my history of pop indiscretions. Try as I might, I will never be able to erase the fact that I was into rap metal when it went around, or that, I listened to some really weak 70s MOR and prog from my dad's collection. I think it's stupid to pretend to be superior, because today you listen to better music than the next guy. You just got lucky that someone or something, tipped you off at the right time. And yes there is better music and worse music. I will defend that position, it isn't all subjective. Who gets to decide, that is up in the air, however, and it is a continuous process, like erosion or the formation of mountains.
I am very conflicted about cultural elitism, of any kind, and I am guilty of it in a lot of ways. It is easy to dismiss people for their lowbrow tastes, but also incredibly lazy to do so. My best buddy in PA. listens to, what I consider to be horrible music, but I don't give a shit. When sites like Facebook, ask you to list the music you like, all it does is make you more easily definable, and hence digestable, by people, culture and their salesmen. I am not going to let something, as inconsequential as taste, in pop culture, choose my friends for me. Friends over Trends anybody?
While I liked the music at The Smell, and felt comfortable with the people there, I still don't feel a part of them either. I didn't like, that all those drunk kids at the bar I frequented, felt some kind of bond over a cheesy pop song, that they identified with some syrupy, rhyming drivel. Occasionally I would make the mistake of disputing their tastes, and was sometimes dismissed or ignored because of that. On the other hand, I was delighted to see the hipsters and scene crawlers, at The Smell be confronted, with sounds they could not tolerate. Noise, Industrial, Grindcore, insert extreme music of your choice here - is supposed to be all about confrontation and subversion. What could be more discomfiting to the status quo of this crowd than Nickelback?
The squirming was great while it lasted. Comprehension eventually dawned on the audience, as the Bashers started to put on shoulder pads and one of the guys dropped to the ground to do pushups, and grunt. More people gathered around their little circle as I, foolishly remained seated right next to them. The two mischief makers started to thump chests, make grunting sounds, and yell at each other about the massive party they were going to have tonight. A few minutes earlier, I had noticed one of the guys, lets call him Mr.Yellow, for the color of his jersey, peel the labels off a 6'er of O'Doul's. The reason for this dawned on me now, when they popped one of the bottles and started to chug it. This could not have gone down well with The Smell Elders, The Smellders if you will; I saw a few frowns and folded arms go up in the audience, like a steel barrier would, in a larger show. What would the cops do to their "premit to operate", if they saw the bottles of fake beer, with no stickers on them to designate their innocent status. The twoBashers - Mr. Yellow and Mr.Blue, became more and more rowdy, tossing the empty kegs around, jumping on each other and spraying beer on the audience.
Mr. Yellow was pretty good about the beer spraying, limiting it mostly, inside the floor space around him, except with me. Seeing that I was a chump, sitting right next to them, and looked relatively harmless, and was thoroughly enjoying the spectacle, he took the liberty of hosing my hair and glasses down. I did not mind it one whit. I only wished they had got more people, that they had a fireman's hose of beer, to wash the stiff bodied lack of enjoyment off the noise police. I understand their concern, for safety and respect, for the limitations of the spectacle, but I was ready for more, yet slightly scared of escalation. I was reading "Industrial Culture Handbook" on that couch before they started, and some of the shit those original freaks pulled was unbelievable. Compared to, say a Throbbing Gristle show, this show was relative tame, notwithstanding what happened towards the end. The interesting stuff at the Fag Bashers show was all cerebral, though they were a heck of a lot of fun.
Nickelback turned into Bawitabaa, turned into Korn. Their screams and jocky exortations bled into the songs and helped recontextualise the familiar, radio rock pap into more alien soundscapes. Formally speaking, they weren't that great. "Kevin Shields", who came later in the bill, was better. Not that 'Kevin Shields' people - it was a chick who has the admirable cheek to take on the name of the MBV mastermind, and the balls to play really fucking loud, louder than any of the men who played, and just loud enough to make you shit your ears a little. It was the unbalanced atmosphere the Bashers created that carried them head and shoulders above the rest of the crowd. The same way the victorious football players they parody get carried away, at the end of a game. Eventually some of the fake beer bottles broke. Mr.Yellow, the skinnier of the two and a star showboat, made sure of this. He also made it a point to roll around a little in it and drew blood from his arm. Later, he pointed his bleeding arm into the camcorder recording the evening.
Make no mistake about it, it did not happen in the heat of the moment. It was more surgery than accident. There was the element of self consciousness to the whole performance, that did not in the least take away from their commitment to jolt the audience. If you think Jim Morrison, or any other infamous exhibitionist, did his thing without calculation, you are definitely fooling yourself. Maybe a completely shit faced Iggy came close; I believe my man, Lester Bangs, when he said something to that effect, about the electrifyingly spontaneous nature of Iggy's self mutilating act. However, as someone who has indulged in a considerable amount of intoxicated amateur surgery, I can testify that there is nothing more acutely conscious, and done for effect, than cutting or self injury. Even the old maxim states, that the best rock bands are ones that look like they are about to fall apart, but just manage to hold together.
The whole time they played I was sitting on the edge of my seat. I understood the meaning of that hoary cliche that day. I had something between a delighted grin and a clenched jaw, the whole time. To possess a sense of humor, to use it intelligently and unabashedly, is a rare thing in music. After the show, I went up to Mr. Yellow who was waiting for the bathroom to become free, so he could clean up his arm, and told him that they were great, and that it was the best show I had ever seen. Then I patted him on the shoulder, as he just grinned and nodded his head enthusiastically. Mr. Blue helped the tired looking Smellders clean up the floor. As I stepped around the room, emotionally exausted, but razor keen in the head, I felt shards of glass crack under my shoes.
Dude. Treeman.
This friggin guy is half-man/half-tree.
He's motherfucking Treeman. No bullshit.
Somebody check the bible to see if Treeman is one of the signs of the coming apocalypse and somebody else check Wikipedia and see if Treeman is some kind of comic book supervillain.
Get back to me with the results of your findings.
Also, I would just like to state that I would give my middle nut to see this dude fight the Swamp Thing in a boggy marsh.
We'll call it Rumble in the Jungle 2: The Freak of Nature vs. the Fictional Character.
And we'll get Chris Tucker to promote it. And then we will swim in money like Scrooge McDuck.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Government-appointed "Military Analysts" have been spewing propoganda for more than five years
Before you accuse me of wearing a tinfoil hat, keep in mind that this comes directly from the New York Times.
According to the Times, the Pentagon has been appointing the military analysts you see on those 24/7 news stations, so that they would say nice things about our wartime activities.
Direct quote:
"To the public, these [military analysts] are members of a familiar fraternity, presented tens of thousands of times on television and radio as “military analysts” whose long service has equipped them to give authoritative and unfettered judgments about the most pressing issues of the post-Sept. 11 world.
Hidden behind that appearance of objectivity, though, is a Pentagon information apparatus that has used those analysts in a campaign to generate favorable news coverage of the administration’s wartime performance, an examination by The New York Times has found.
The effort, which began with the buildup to the Iraq war and continues to this day, has sought to exploit ideological and military allegiances, and also a powerful financial dynamic: Most of the analysts have ties to military contractors vested in the very war policies they are asked to assess on air."
So, to recap, the executive branch of the United States government has been feeding lines to the men who have been providing the public with the war narrative for more than five years now. Those men also had business ties to the war effort that made it fiscally advantageous to them for the fighting to continue.
That's troublesome, wouldn't you say?
the growing generation gap
Of all the side stories related to the democratic primary, the one that interests me the most is the very distinct generation gap between the baby boomers and generation x/y. This was clearly represented early on in the primaries, where poll numbers showed a definite obama/clinton split between young and old. Where does this come from? It mostly seems rooted in older peoples' nostalgia for bill clinton's administration, along with a feeling of relation: these clintons were involved in the great social and political conflicts of the the aging baby boomers. While this is diminishing due to Obama's increasing momentum and the Clinton campaign's slow self-destruction, the trends are still there.
don't get me wrong - it's great to see people the keep bearing the torch for the issues related to the the social progress of the 1960's. a lot of society's nasty iniquities were dismantled. we all know. anyone who paid attention in history class heard plenty about king's march on washington, young people tearing up draft cards, the my lai massacre, the summer of love, and so forth. of course, this leaked into the popular consciousness, cementing them as the defining moments and events for that entire generation. we grew up among the symbols of this self-fellating generation's pride in their accomplishments: forrest gump. the beatles. story after story about the summer of love.
seriously guys, shut up already. if you were never in sncc, never was a freedom rider, and never protested the vietnam war, shut the fuck up about your generation's accomplishments. as time goes by, the baby boomers age, the flattering self-created portrayals of their generation are starting to lose their luster. maybe i'm just misunderstanding history, but it seems to be that about .01% of people in that generation actually participated in these grand protests. the rest were just looking to dodge the draft so they could party. The best and most romanticized example of this self-celebration is Woodstock. Sure, you went to a killer concert festival, did a ton of acid, and hendrix did a killer rendition of the national anthem. ok...where's the social effect? isn't this just a big crazy party?
if i get to be 60 years old and glorify my college-age partying as some sort of social statement, i want anyone who is reading this to shoot me in the head. i dunno about you guys, but i party to get fucked up and have fun. I'm not changing the world.
call this an irrational tirade, but it's time to call out most of these people for what they really are: greedy, self-centered, and constantly focused on making themselves feel good. They're burning through our resources at a record rate, vote for notorious deficit spenders, and are overseeing a medical and pharmaceutical establishment that pumps anyone full of expensive designer drugs when they show the slightest sign of "attention deficit disorder," "pmdd (it's different from pms", "seasonal affective disorder", or "restless leg syndrome".
maybe their parents' generation were a little too self-sacrificing for their liking. maybe they were disillusioned with the uniformity and repression of the glimmering new space-age suburbs many of them were raised in. i'm not sure why, but it seems to be a prevailing trend in their generation, especially compared to - and probably in spite of - the amazing things their parents did in the fight for democracy itself. the knee-jerk youthful rebellious response is going to be to focus on personal happiness and pleasure provided by the society that their parents saved.
is this why this country is so unaware or unconcerned about the world around them? is this why we're going to war for cheaper oil, despite the horrible effects to economic stability, national and global security, and america's diplomatic high ground? are they really that full of themselves? are younger people more likely to see the serious problems with america's foreign and domestic policies, along with the politicians of their generation? or are we all just self-centered rebellious hedonists like them?
Minimum Wage Labor, one take
I looked around for stuff to report on for my first post but realised that I was missing the obvious topic, the personal over the political if you will. Yesterday, after three days of dawdling and sleeping in, I finally got my shit together and made it to the Labor Ready office in Allentown at 9 to ask for a job. I figured that it was a Friday and at worst, I would have two days to recover from the physical damage of day labor, since I have not worked in a while. I had heard about these Labor Ready hustlers from a friend and their website confirmed the general picture he gave me of the place - they would take all and any comers looking for work. They hire on the spot on a first come first served basis for the day, simplify the messy legal stuff like forms, don't bother with drug testing and extensive background checking and pay in cash at the end of a day's labor. I showed up without a second photo id so I returned an hour later, properly armed and sat down to take a survey that the lady at the counter said I had to 'pass' in order to work for them.
Questions were multiple choice and printed on a booklet and I had to type answers on a keypad of some sort which looked like a swipe card machine at a grocery store. They mostly consisted of two types of questions that kept repeating in a weak attempt to catch you out in a lie. The first type queried you on your drug use -the 'How often do you use drugs other than the ones prescribed by your doctor' type of questions. The answers ranged through all possible permutations of recreational dope use known to western man, with some special pains taken to make you feel comfortable about marijuana use in the early rounds so that you would slip up on questions regarding them later.
I denied everything like 'Ol Bill Clinton and picked answers like a young christian at an abstinence rally would. The other type of questions called you out on your martial abilities, your prison experiences etc. For example a typical question would ask when you last fought, how well you could defend yourself, if you preferred a gun to a knife, etc. I started to think to myself - " What would Steven Segal do?" but quickly buried my emotions deep within myself by reminding myself that I needed the 35 bucks I was going to make that day. Despite feelings of emasculation and disgust at having to admit that I am a total wimp, I picked my answers like George Bush Jr would at a conscription tent. These questions were designed so that they did not have to bother with drug testing you or doing a criminal background check. They must have figured, if the guy can hop and skip through their (admittedly weak) linguistic trickery and village constable interrogation methods, then he can't be too high or drunk. Maybe they also figured that no wife beating, bar fight instigating, Ole Grandad chugging, blue collar hump would lie about his or her switchblade or shotgun ability. I passed with flying colors and was asked to quickly fill out some paper work and rushed out to the job site pronto.
Since I was dressed in shorts I had to buy pants on the way to the construction site from a store with the suitably military industrial name - Dollar General. Once at the site, I was taken to the construction office, at the end of a row of pretty looking apartments, whose cousins I believed I would soon be helping to build. At the office I was confronted by the most formidably ugly looking woman I have ever seen in my life. Now I must confess I have been in a dreadful dry spell for a while now and at times I have said to myself 'I am so desperate that I will sleep with anything with a maw downstairs, regardless of appearance.' I realised in that office that this was a lie. Donna, as this helmeted Medusa was known, was very nice to me however and wrote me down as arriving at 11, though I was late thanks to my pants finding expedition . The guy who brought me to her took me to my work spot. He let me know that I would make 7.50 an hour
I did not have any illusions about my work but I expected at least to be doing something with buildings or foundations or drywalls. I expected to be taught some little skill that I could use later. I had hoped to be handed a sledge hammer and asked to tear down some mangled section of wall. Swinging at something can be very cathartic when you are making this little money. Maybe it was my less than manly replies at the job centre that resulted in me being handed a broom and asked to sweep the road between the buildings being constructed. This road was covered in mud and caked in parts with clay. Every time a car or pick up truck, filled with mostly Hispanic day laborers went by, it raised and scattered the fine dust and made a hash of thirty minutes of work. I happened to pick the hottest day of the year so far and was covered in sweat and dust within an hour. I quickly sized up the situation and tried to pace myself so that I would make it to 4pm.
It was a good thing I started late that day because I was in no shape to pull off 8 hours of that type of work yet. I will be more ready on Monday I think. However I put some back into it, creating some rhythm with my broom strokes and raising columns of dust. If you want a clearer picture, go watch the scene where they lay tar in Cool Hand Luke. Substitute Paul Newman's pretty face and defiant, exultant energy for my ugly, frowning mug, hunched over a slightly fat body, clearly not getting any pleasure out of my performance. I kept at it till the roach truck came along at 1 and opened it back and sides to me, displaying arrays of cheap, greasy food and sodas. This has to be the best part of a laborer's day. That truck pulls up looking like a chariot that a benevolent king or God has sent just for you when you have worked all morning. I disappeared a chilly dog and a reheated burrito like a mob henchman does a union dissenter or a plate of pasta. The coke I used to wash it down felt like a rare ambrosia. For the first time that day, capitalism was working for me - total bill 3.25.
I returned to work quickly, feeling as optimistic as a troop surge. This can't be so bad I thought to myself - "No IED's on this road at least. And look, its just three more hours and I can go home to a shower, a bunch of internet porn and a book." I swept away like a camel's eyelid in a sandstorm. I cheerfully whistled snippets of music but stopped when I caught a gust of dirt in my throat. Then a little while later, I dared to look at the time - A scant 30 minutes had passed since lunch, it was getting hotter by the minute and my head had started to swim a little. Slowly my enthusiasm flagged and my spirits started a fresh insurgency. I started to look around furiously at all the other people on the site - They had shade, they could talk to each other and sit around every now and then, they could waste time if they wanted and they did not have to push a bloody broom. That familiar feeling of petty resentment and martyrdom that is the lot of every wage worker overcame me. Surely everyone else had it better than me. That guy who was carrying down broken bits of masonry looked mighty comfortable to me right now (though he had climb a storey of steps each time he carried away a load) . The heat and the dust were starting to affect my sense of balance and logic. I felt like I had taken up smoking again.
I realised that it was just a waiting game now that I had to play with my brain in order to sustain my will power and started to resort to the psychological tricks that helped me in similar situations in the past. Every small thing helps one stay put and work till the end of the day - guilt, a fear of breaking commitments, hollow taunts of one's lack of strength, a desire for money - however little. Every redeeming factor of the job and of life has to be savored and utilised to give one strength to keep going - the fact that there was no boss ordering me around, the fact that it was a Friday, the hope of seeing a beautiful woman on the ride back home, dinner, any little thing.
Eventually 4 O clock came along and I swept the sweat off my brow onto my strategically chosen black t-shirt ( I never said I was a smart one!)one last time before heading to the construction office. On the way there I saw a vision of beautiful womanhood -tall, sweet smiling and accompanied by the most excellent greyhound I have ever seen. She was the exact opposite of my browned and drained looking figure and if I was half a man I would have carried her away as my prize for the day's work. The evening boss gave me my signed slip, commiserated with me about the shitty terms of my job and asked me if I wanted to return on Monday. I should have said no and run for my life but I said yes. It is a mystery to me that, on several important ocassions in my life I have bullheadedly defied authority but seem to lose all my spine when a boss asks me to work OT or return to a gig I don't care for. I entered the job willingly, didn't I? What happens after is of no concern of mine, I just want to be led around and let myself everytime. What good is a labor job if you have to think about your next move? If there is anything I like about this type of work it's ceding myself to a higher, more indifferent will. Anyway, I need the money.
Walking back up the street towards the spot I was supposed to wait for my dad another guy from the company offered me a ride to the office to pick up our wages. I was pleased with this unexpected piece of kindness (as I often am when I go to work) and jumped into his truck. This guy was a Brooklyn transplant who had settled here a year ago and was ready to return to the faster life of the city. We bantered about the boring nature of our rural PA surroundings, about the difference between NY girls and the local variety, how the local girls seemed to dress in fashions that came out of a NY time capsule and how they weren't as easy, how much less you got paid here etc. Then he told me about his day. He said that he had simply locked himself in an empty room and napped the day away.
I Blame Southern California for this
USA Today is a piece of fucking trash and America's moral compass has gone completely to hell in a handbasket.
Seriously people? Are you really fucking serious? I mean goddammit. A children's book about plastic surgery? Is this really fucking necessary, America? Is it? Will everyone please look inside themselves right now and ask this one very important question, please?
"How early is too early to start fucking up the females in our culture?"
I mean, we already have girls around age 11 dressing like pop princesses and high school chicks dressed like porn stars in the suburbs all over this country. Do we sincerely feel it's necessary to begin bombarding 5-year-olds with the concept of carving up their bodies to make themselves more attractive to the menfolk?
Shouldn't these children being throwing rocks at one another and making mudpies and being MOTHERFUCKING KIDS FOR GOD'S SAKE??!!
Open Memo to the Associated Soccer Moms of America:
Re: YOU ARE FUCKING UP YOUR DAUGHTERS
Body: Look, I know it's not easy. You used to be hot. You got married after you'd built a decently respectable career with that communications or social services degree you got from State. You married a particularly rich motherfucker, and you were proud that you had finally achieved the status of "Trophy Wife."
Now, it's nearly 20 years later and you're more "That bitch who had my kids and then got fat." Your husband cheats on you, and since you quit your job to raise your children, your looks were a big fallback when you needed to feel some of that old self-worth. It sucks, and I'm sorry. But hey, it is very important that you listen to what I am about to say.
STOP FUCKING UP YOUR KIDS JUST BECAUSE YOUR LIFE DIDN'T TURN OUT QUITE THE WAY YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD.
/memo
I'm sorry if that was harsh, but I am sick and motherfucking tired of watching these morons churn out more and more unwashed cavepeople until I can't even turn on a TV, flip through a magazine or surf the internet without being reminded that I'm not pretty enough, rich enough or having enough sex.
This coitus-and-image-obsessed society has finally officially gone too far and they must be stopped. A children's book teaching kids why plastic surgery is actually really awesome is bad. I don't believe I can express myself any more plainly on the issue.
I will leave you with this quote, direct from the article:
The girl asks: "Why are you going to look different?"
Mom responds: "Not just different, my dear — prettier!"
Awesome.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Not So Much Fun with Polygamy
I got this sent to me with this message:
"----: this woman's smile disturbs me. unbelievable."
I think she was talking about the woman toward the middle of the video. I have to say, I really agree. That is the smile of someone who is dead inside.
New Study Finds 300k Troops have Mental Probs
This just in! Apparently spending years traveling back and forth from a war zone where you spend most of your time wondering if that kid next to you wants a hug or is about to blow up is bad for you.
So says Reuters.
I mean, this doesn't seem like really shocking news to me. It reminds me of another article i read recently claiming that U.S. troop suicides are reaching all-time highs.
From the article at CNN:
"Every day, five U.S. soldiers try to kill themselves. Before the Iraq war began, that figure was less than one suicide attempt a day."
Awesome.
Also of note, when you Google U.S. Troop Suicide up, this is the first story.
Fun times with the American nightmare, eh?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Who's the Boss? (Voting for)
The Boss loves the Obamskeets.
Now, he may not be the boss of you, and he's certainly not the boss of me.
But he is The Boss, and when the man who made Greetings from Asbury Park picks a presidential candidate to back, you know other rock stars can't be far behind.
As if this election needed any more of a generation gap. Can we at least make sure Bono isn't allowed anywhere near Obama?
Why?
Because fuck Bono. That's why.
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